Nothing
by Patheticvictories
Summary: If you asked Nico, he would clams he felt absolutely nothing. One sided Perico


At first glance there was nothing. At second glance there was a boy. Of course, if you bothered to ask the boy, he would claim that nothing worked for describing him. He was nothing. He looked like nothing. He felt nothing. At least most of the times. There was these moments when the nothing left. The nothing ran as soon as something came into view. That something was a jittery feeling at the bottom of his stomach. That something was a slow smile daring to attempt to creep its was onto his lips. That something was Percy Jackson. The boy, Nico, preferred the nothing.

Percy Jackson was like what Nico expected the other side of a black hole must look like, sucking in light instead of darkness, leaving no shadow unlit. Which, as you might expect, had a great affect on a boy made of shadows. Every time he entered the room, Nico felt so brilliantly empty, all of his problems lifted of his shoulders, left with only the light feeling in his stomach. Percy would walk into the room and Nico would know he would make everything okay. He always did. And even when Bianca died Nico could never really blame Percy. He tried his hardest to, knowing that blame would could so easily cancel out his love for him, but then Percy would do something stupid, like laugh, and all the blame would melt away, leaving only cold exterior and determination to try blaming him harder.

Nico could spend all day watching the other boy, looking at the fine muscles on his back moved as he practice sword fighting, gazing as his lips, a perfect pink, turned slowly up into a smile, staring at his sea green eyes that promised Nico that everything would be alright. He could listen to the sound of his voice constantly, and that slightly obnoxious laugh that made it feel so much more real.

Of course, Nico could not actually do this, for as painfully oblivious as the boy was, even he would surly notice if Nico's eyes never left him, and if he always stayed close listening. Percy finding out was one of the worst things Nico could imagine. He could clearly see the scorn on Percy's face as he found out, the rejection in his eyes. The thought made the butterflies in Nico's stomach turn into claws, making him want to barf, want to go to his room where no one could judge him and never come out. So instead Nico adverted his eyes whenever Percy looked at him, and said some quick snarky comment whenever Percy tried to talk to him.

People noticed something was wrong of course. Nico knew that. But the dislike they felt for him now was a million times better than the disgust they would feel if they ever found out about him. He knew he was repulsive. Nico hated himself for it. He hated himself for how amazing he felt whenever caught sight of the green eyed boy. He was convinced in what he was was wrong, yet when the son of Poseidon put his hand on his shoulder it felt so right.

For moments in time he would feel like it wasn't wrong, that nothing this beautiful, and perfect feeling could in anyway be infelicitous, but then he would vaguely remember something that happened decades ago, in practically another life. He remembered the hate that was put out against a man for the love he felt for another man. It may be a different time now, but if Nico learned anything, it was that human nature really hasn't changed much over the years. And human nature finds him disgusting. And he couldn't blame it.

His emotions, both the hate and the love tormented him. He knew his love was supposed to be wrong, yet the hate was so much worse. He felt like he was drowning in his feelings, and every time the son of Poseidon came by it was like a breath of air. He understood what was going on, his feelings where clear. This was right. But then reality would hit and once again he would go back in his state of useless denial, the mass confusion of feelings overwhelming him once again like a tidal wave. The tons of emotions pounding on his back as he tired to grab onto some one emotion to keep him afloat. The easiest emotions to grab onto were anger and despair . And he held onto those emotions with all his might, till something else, like a complement from Percy, threw him over board once again. People looked at Nico and assumed that he had very little feelings, though people also assume that black is the absence of color, instead of every single color meshed together so tightly they are indistinguishable. Nico in fact, felt more emotions than people cared to realize. He could be angry, annoyed, afraid, agreeable, amused, anticipating, awed, full of apathy and anxiety, and that is merely the As. And like the colors, they are twisted together so thoroughly creating the appearance of something plain that many people mistook for emotionless.

But of course, Nico preferred that way; being seen as emotionless. Lack of emotions would be so much easier than what he felt, the love and the hatred. One of the emotions for a green eyed boy, and one for himself. So he pretends that he does not have the emotions. He pretends that he does not care, or love, or want. That the world does not matter to him. And if you were to ask him what he felt his answer would be simple: Nothing.

Hey guys! Thank you so much for checking out my first ever fanfic! Pleasepleaseplease review! Tell me if you liked or hated it and why! No review is not worth putting! This a lot shorter and more angsty than a lot of my fanfictions in the future will probably be, but I just got an account and wanted to put something out there! Remember, the review button is your friend!


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